Since I was about 12 years old, I have had a pretty serious sunglasses fetish. I don't know exactly what brought it on. Maybe it stems from my aspirations of fame and fortune and images of myself strolling down red carpets in a suit and shades. Maybe it's from watching
The Matrix one too many times.
Currently, I own six pairs of sunglasses that I wear regularly, and several more that rarely see any face time. It's actually a low number for me. I usually buy a minimum of four pairs of sunglasses every Spring/Summer. Last year, I bought the same pair of sunglasses three times because, while I cherish my shades, I also habitually break them.
I wear my sunglasses CONSTANTLY. I don't care - I'll wear them in gray weather, in the rain sometimes, in the club, in the mall, going to work, leaving work, taking smoke breaks at work, and you'd better believe I wear them at night. I even have this little habit of wearing sunglasses around backstage when I'm doing a show. I used to wear sunglasses when working on music, but I haven't done that in a while. Oh, and of course, I've performed in sunglasses. They're a great prop, by the way.
Also, for the record, I love David Caruso.
Sunglasses are more than just an essential accessory. They are entirely functional, although in many more ways than the traditional. Sure, they block out harmful ultraviolet rays, unless you buy them at the dollar store. Don't buy sunglasses from the dollar store. Yes, they darken the day when it's especially bright. By the way, that's a really helpful feature in the Winter too when the reflection off the snow is absolutely blinding. But more than the obvious, sunglasses have much greater appeal.
They're great for hiding unsightly morning-after eyes. Have you ever seen yourself after rolling out of bed at 11AM with sand paper for a tongue and your clothes mysteriously scattered about? Well, you look like hell. Throw on a pair of shades, and now you only look like heck!
Sunglasses are also great for those days when you hate the world and the world hates you right back. We all have them - some of us more than others. Shades are like a bodyguard - you get to go out and walk around, but nobody can get too close. They're the perfect buffer zone. This is also true if you feel like crying, are about to cry, are crying, or have just finished crying.
As mentioned, sunglasses are an essential accessory. But in a way, they transcend fashion. Sunglasses create an aura of mystery around a person. When you can't see a person's eyes, you don't really have a read on them. It can be extremely alluring. It can also be a turn off. The trick is to not walk around like a douche bag when you've got your Ray Bans on. Rule number one: sunglasses and popped collars are not cool.
Shades are the perfect camouflage. They're perfect for those wandering eyes that you just can't control despite your girlfriend sitting right next to you. Throw on a pair of shades and you can get your stare on with impunity. Just don't tell my girlfriend I said that.
And finally, sunglasses and just plain sexy. It's hard to explain. There is an indefinable quality about them that just radiates cool. And while styles are constantly changing, most good sunglasses are timeless.
I close with an image of Daniel Day-Lewis from the movie-musical
Nine. I have been trying to find these sunglasses for a couple of months now. It is almost as if his character was crafted around those shades. Cool. Classy. Here's a man that knows how to wear shades.
